


A Long Way Back To Normal

by KrisKikstorky



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternative Sexuality, Anorexia, Canon Compliant, Eating Disorders, Harry Styles Has An Eating Disorder, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Not Beta Read, Omega Harry Styles, Recovery, alpha Jeff azoff, because my dumb ass can't speak english, other 1D members mentioned, very little smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:29:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28390050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrisKikstorky/pseuds/KrisKikstorky
Summary: Harry knew this was normal. Jeff knew it was not. One is not supposed to starve themself in order to be loved and accepted as an omega. But in the end of the day, recovery had to be Harry's decision."I mean- does he eat?”And the thing was, Harry ate, right? Just not the way Jeff did nor he had ever seen someone eat.“Mr. Azoff, as open minded as we would like to be, your mate is still an omega… Right now, it gives us the advantage of keeping him alive without him fighting against us.”TW: Eating disorders!
Relationships: Gemma Styles & Harry Styles, Jeff Azoff/Harry Styles
Kudos: 13





	A Long Way Back To Normal

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'd like to thank every single one of you for giving this story a chance. It's probably the most personal one I've written, but I guess I'm ready.  
> Also, before letting you read, here's trigger warning:  
> TW: Eating disorders, Anorexia Nervosa, Body negativity!  
> The fic focuses on recovery, therefore is showing the dark side of ed, struggles of recovery and the way life changes for the better.

They were an obvious match, Jeff and Harry. The always smiling, loving, well-off alpha and the omega with that shy, reserved smile, nice body and with a heart full of love.  
Jeff noticed the elephant in the room once they moved in together, so about a year into their relationship, and he had to take a moment to consider running away from this as fast as he could and as far as he could.  
Harry would always go on a diet and then on another one. He had to weigh his lettuce, fucking leaves of lettuce. His plate was always lying on the kitchen scale as he checked the weight with every tiny cherry tomato he had put on it.  
“I just don’t want to overeat,” he laughed it off when being asked.  
Yeah. That made sense. Except it didn’t really.  
“Every omega does that,” Harry added and Jeff couldn’t argue with that, because it had been quite a few years since he had lived with an omega so he didn’t know these things. Omegas are odd anyway.

“Come on, Jeffrey, you have to speed up if you want to reach the lookout tower before midnight,” the omega teased him, making his own bike fly at the same speed gracefully. Jeff was not sure he would be able to date someone so fit back then.  
“How far is it?” Jeff tried and failed not to pant as breathing was getting harder with every single mile.  
“Not that far, you’ll like it,” Harry smiled widely. Where the hell did he get the energy to smile?  
“That was not an answer!”  
“Less talking and more pedaling,” the omega encouraged him.  
It was a nice trip, just like all the adventurous Harry would plan for weekends and holidays.

Once, that was a long time ago, when there was a barbecue at the Azoff’s, Jeff’s mother was passing everyone full plates. “You don’t have to eat it all, sunshine, it’s almost a portion for two.”  
Jeff didn’t have bond with Harry then, not for a long time after that anyway as that was just the beginning of their relationship, but he felt the green-eyed omega freeze. He wasn’t sure why, but there was something off.  
Yet Harry was talking and laughing as nothing had happened, but Jeff saw the way he moved some of his food to one side of the plate and didn’t touch it anymore.  
“It was delicious, really, but you said it yourself a portion for two,” he didn’t stop being charming, not giving out a single pretext to worry.  
It made Jeff angry- literally rattled his cage that it wasn’t the right time to take care of him because they were in public.  
As soon as he started their car, Jeff’s need to do something only increased. To do anything to help the nice smelling omega.  
“She always makes these idiotic comments about food. Fuck. I’m sorry you had to listen to that,” it was a pitiful excuse, but he had to say it.  
Harry played dumb with his “what comments?” and “she said that?”  
“We’ll get ice cream,” Jeff decided finally, turning the car sharply. He had to show the omega that it was okay. Eating is okay.  
“We’ve just finished dinner, Jeff,” he argued, honestly confused.  
“I don’t want her piffle to hold you back. You barely ate,” he felt like it didn’t make sense, but it was the only logical thing to do at the same time.  
Harry stiffly nodded. “Wait. It’s half past ten… everything is closed.”  
Jeff had to improvise, because he didn’t think about that at all “7-11 has to be open, let’s buy some there and I’ll make us sundae.”  
That was right after they moved in together so he wasn’t sure what was going on inside Harry’s head and if it was- how bad it was. This seemed to be a step in the right direction.

There was a day when Harry decided he wouldn't eat pork and beef anymore, then poultry a month later, four weeks later no meat at all followed by the inevitable shift to veganism. Don’t get Jeff wrong, being vegan is a beautiful thing, but Harry seemed to be less excited about animals and more into cutting all the food from his diet and avoiding restaurants.  
Jeff talked to Anne about his concerns and later he asked Harry about the food thing. His reaction wasn’t something he would have expected.  
The green-eyed omega laughed it off “you’re just like my mom that time she freaked out about nothing… You need to calm down.”  
And then he wouldn’t eat.  
A great new liquid diet, protein shake twice a day and water with chunks of fruit in it. Now that was terrifying. Harry with his naturally thin body did all this -whatever that was- and predictably, results came.  
Jeff was horrified when he came home from a business trip to find Harry paler and skinnier than ever with a big smile on his face, wearing a crop top, that was revealing his flat stomach.  
,,Don’t worry, most if it is water weight anyway,” he shrugged when Jeff expressed his concerns. It touched him, probably in a good way, that his alpha noticed the change.  
Jeff let it go back then. He trusted Harry and his irresistible dimples.

He looked ridiculous in Jeff’s shirts, objectively said. The alpha was always low-key hoping for the dumb cliché- finding Harry prepairing breakfast, looking sexy and cute at the same time with a hem of the shirt barely covering his bum.  
That kind of came true, sort of. The omega was wearing his shirt, which was ending right under his delicate places, highlighting his slight thighs and the unnatural gap between them. The rolled up fabric of the sleeve kept shifting down as his arms for the lack of muscle, but he just had to chop a handful of spinach, so he didn’t even bother to fix it.  
Jeff came to him from behind and softly kissed his exposed neck.  
“I love your scent,” the omega purred contently, leaning back to the alpha.  
Dark-eyed man whispered a compliment, which the younger one probably didn’t even catch, and sniffed Harry’s distinctive scent. He was close to his scent glands, so he should have been able to smell his pheromones very clearly.  
There was nothing.  
He caressed the spot softly, which made the omega gasp. “Jeff… darling-”  
In theory that should have increased the density of Harry’s pheromones, get the scent really clear and turn him on. The alpha held his hips tightly nestled up against him while kissing his neck fiercely.  
And then they were pressed against the wall, Harry’s back flat against it while his legs clenched Jeff’s hips. The alpha was already naked, just the white fabric separating their heated skin.  
“I’m ready, love,” moaned the omega.  
The lack of Harry’s hormones was forgotten in the instant.  
Harry wasn’t wet as usually, but he made it up with his vocal range “Jeff-uh! Harder-”  
The alpha was significantly pleased when noticing he had no problem holding his omega against the wall and keeping up the speed. Some of his friends complained about this position being absolutely impractical, but this was amazing.  
Harry came on his knot painting their skin white with a choked moan. His exhausted body was trembling in Jeff’s arms, his head resting against alpha’s shoulder.  
“Did I hurt you?” They had about twenty minutes before Jeff’s know would go down, so they moved to the sofa.  
“Not at all, I’m just so full -ouch- full of you and your scent, I love your scent so much,” Harry whispered sweetly “I love you.” He was stretched and tired after such a passionate sex, so he was basicly falling aspeen in a middle of the sentence.  
“I love you,” Jeff mumbled into the nest of soft curly locks.  
The omega was quivering quietly on his mate’s lap. “You’re so big- oh, god, you’re so huge.”  
“Do you want me to extricate?” He would never hurt the sweet creature. It didn’t matter that forcing the knot to leave Harry would be painful for the alpha afterwards.  
“No, that’s okay. I can do this.”  
Harry fell asleep as soon as Jeff tucked him in, his body curled up in order to keep as much heat as he could. 

“Are you guys doing alright?” Glenne asked between sips of her latté. They were best friends, so Jeff could talk to her about the real stuff.  
But he didn’t know. He had no idea what was alright and what was not.  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be nosy. Harry’s scent is just really bland, so I thought you might have had a fight.”  
“Bollocks, Harry’s scent has to be more obvious than ever, we sleep in the same bed and we had a.. nice morning- having breakfast and stuff.”  
“I would have noticed your breakfast and stuff, don’t you think?” She didn’t mean to be mean, but this seemed like a weird thing to lie about. “Why don’t you go to the doctor’s?” she added carefully after a moment of uncomfortable silence.  
That was good advice, he could do that.

“Harry! Are you home?” he called into the seemingly empty house.  
“In the gym,” a voice resounded, slightly out of breath, so he followed it immediately. His omega was running, sweaty in his gym clothes, which didn’t cover him much. “I have half an hour left, but I will be all yours afterwards.”  
“Okay honey, I’ll make us something nice to eat in the meantime.” He felt cruel testing the waters, but he really had to know.  
“No! I mean… no thanks. I’m on the… god, can’t talk like this- the liquid diet thing, ‘member?” Harry gasped, trying to form a sentence. His chest was rising fastly under the almost see-through fabric.  
“I’ll make you a shake then, alright?”  
“No, thanks, really-”  
The treadmill under his feet didn’t stop or slow down, omega was running full speed for what might had been hours.  
“Get off that thing, Harry,” he invited the green-eyed boy.  
“Give me twenty-nine minutes, love,” Harry gave him his best smile before breathing properly again.  
“Get off.” Jeff commanded, unintentionally using alpha voice and making his mate shiver. But there he was, standing on the floor in a second.  
“What’s going on, Jeffrey? Talk to me.”  
“You should tell me what’s wrong,” the alpha said. He tried desperately to catch omega’s scent, but he couldn’t. Not at all.  
“What do you mean? Did I- do something wrong,” Harry was searching in his mind for the problem he must have failed to notice.  
“I can’t smell your scent.”  
“Oh.”  
“And I don’t know why,” Jeff continued, disconcerted “And your heat was supposed to come a month ago, but it doesn’t seem to be coming anytime soon.” He didn’t stutter, but he spoke slowly as it was hard to find the right words.  
“We can make love. Darling, I don’t need my heat to long for you. Take my body, it’s all yours,” Harry whispered those naugty words while rubbing his crotches against Jeff’s.  
What also rubbed against the alpha was the part of the pelvic bone that was sticking out as the rest of his belly was flat. That woke Jeff up.  
“We’re going to the doctor’s now.”

“Mr. Azoff?” a nurse called into the empty waiting room. Harry urged Jeff to not go the whole ride. There’s nothing wrong with him. He’s fine.  
“What brings you here, Mr. Azoff?” asked doctor Payne, a well-built alpha and their general practitioner. He didn’t even look up from his computer and began searching for Jeff’s file.  
“Well. I can’t smell Harry’s scent,” jabbered Jeff, although he should have been expecting that question.  
It wasn’t until then that Liam noticed the omega in the room. Who he knew was an omega- there weren’t signs about that, really. His sweet scent was gone and that face did not belong to someone who’s stress would be taken away by bond.  
“Okay,” shit “We will run a few tests-” he had no idea what he was doing right now- “that will lead us to the problem.”  
Harry let him take a sample of blood, measure his pressure and took his shirt off so Liam could listen to his heartbeat. One look was enough.  
“Could you wait outside, please?” he smiled politely at the omega “I have to have a chat with your mate for a minute.”  
“It’s my health!” Harry snapped “That’s so unfair!”  
“Babe, please?”  
“It’s fucking unfair and you know!” the omega snarled at him, but put his clothes on and stormed out.  
There was a moment of silence. The alphas looked at each other.  
“I will say it directly,” Liam warned the other alpha “I’m not a psychiatrist and I will send you to one, but this looks like an disordered eating kind of issue. I mean- does he eat?”  
And the thing was, Harry ate, right? Not the way Jeff did nor he had ever seen someone eat that way.  
“I don’t know,” admitted Jeff, taken aback “He drinks protein shakes and stuff.”  
“I think there is a link between your problem and Harry’s diet.”  
The omega was sitting in the car when Jeff found him. His arms were crossed, an angered grimace on his face, eyes skenning something far away.  
“Why didn’t you stand up for me?” Harry blurted out, although he regretted it instantly as he had been planning to give Jeff some silent treatment. “It’s hilarious, really. You keep talking about omegas’ rights- full of shit, aren’t you?”  
Jeff didn’t even bother to argue with him “Payne booked us an appointment with a psychiatr.”

And there it was, written in black ink, confirmed and horrifying. Harry Azoff, anorexia nervosa, 22 years old. An eating disorder right between his name and personal data. A diagnosis of his problem, it was blended with real things. It was a real thing. The heat delay, lack of pheromones, lack of many other hormones in fact- all connected.  
Hospitalization was inevitable. Hours of group and personal therapy waiting for the green-eyed omega and infinite sittings with doctors, dietitians and recovered for Jeff.  
“Darling, you can lean into me,” he urged his omega after realising that Harry had been keeping all those consuming emotions to himself.  
“Calm down, Jeffrey,” the omega reprimanded him, “I am not feeling anxious or anything. Just a bit numb.” That was what Harry felt like for weeks. Like if someone had bashed him on the head and he didn’t recover from it yet. Sometimes he could feel his emotions fade and he was paralyzed.  
The doctors wouldn’t let Harry go home for his personal belongings and he was rushed to another wing of the hospital for further observation. All the omega knew was that he was in “high risk of refeeding syndrome”.  
The bond provided Jeff free pass to be by his side at any non-life threatening circumstances, so he stayed for the night.  
They were lying quietly in the bed, Harry flat on his back with devices trekking his heartbeat and Jeff pressed against him. The alpha did a decent job of not crying in front of his mate. There were quite a few times he was close to tears, but he managed. He managed for Harry.  
“I didn’t want it to go so far,” Harry whispered, breaking the silence.  
“I know, love,” smoothed him immediately.  
Jeff was getting a plastic cup of coffee when one of the doctors who were supposed to take care of Harry reached out to him. “We have two options for you, Mr. Azoff,” he explained, “your omega could get his nutrition by eating, which would be ideal obviously, or by a feeding tube if that’s what you would prefer.”  
“I guess I’ll let Harry decide,” he choked out.

Soon enough Harry’s decision was clear as day.  
“Jeff!” he screamed as if he was being murdered as two pairs of arms were trying to hold him tight while another pair was securing the tube to his face.  
“Please, stop them-” the omega cried on edge of hysteria “Jeff, call my doctor, please. I don’t want this.”  
One of the employees took Jeff out of the room. “You can see he’s breathing and talking just fine. He is also not choking, you don’t have to worry,” he assured the alpha. “But we could take the tube out if you insisted.”  
Jeff didn’t get it “why would you listen to me and not to Harry?”  
“Mr. Azoff, as open minded as we would like to be, your mate is still an omega… Right now, it gives us the advantage of keeping him alive without him fighting against us.”  
Jeff came back to the hospital room to find the omega trembling because of how hard he was trying not to cry.  
“Hazz?”  
“Go away,” the boy on the bed hiccuped “fuck of.”  
Jeff sighed quietly “this is for your own good, darling.” He tried to caress the omega, but he just flinched.  
“I don’t want you here,” Harry growled, turning his back on him.  
Jeff tried to talk to him one more time, but after another vulgar reply, he gave up.  
Harry’s hospital stay ended up lasting three weeks, leading to Jeff having to leave for a few hours almost every day. It was this endless kaleidoscope of vitamin checks, blood sugar and current calorie intake. Although those numbers were surprisingly low, they were supposedly correct in order to prevent refeeding syndrome. Jeff didn’t fight it.

Nothing could have prepared them for the morning when Harry came home.  
Jeff knew all the essentials, two thousand five hundred calories (and adding another hundred once every few days), not to back off, not to let Harry eat alone, to put some movie on, not to let him work out, to let him be vegetarian if he insists, but not vegan… That’s the theory part, but it won’t help you physically in the battlefield.  
What he didn’t know was how far could he go- would Harry eat meat? How will his body react to things he hadn’t been eating for months? It was hard to tell.  
He made Harry a cup of green tea and since then he was staring into the refrigerator, wondering what the omega would be willing to eat. No idea.  
Then there he was, hiding in alpha’s shirt, uncertain. He stood on his tippy toes to kiss Jeff softly. There was a lot of feeling ashamed about it, just like when they had started together.  
“I don’t know what to make you for breakfast,” the alpha admitted.  
“Oh…” Harry nodded. Sure, his breakfast. “How about porridge? Someone said it would be a good start.”  
Yeah. That sounded good, they could do that.  
Jeff felt really dumb measuring oats- who the fuck measures oats when making a breakfast? He had an app on his phone, which did most of the work for him, counting calories and stuff.  
They ended up with two bowls of porridge, which was too sweet, with cinnamon, peanut butter, chia seeds and chopped banana on top.  
Harry took his portion and obediently started eating. With the first mouthful he felt his mouth become stiff and blood freeze inside his veins, he felt like he’s about to vomit with the second mouthful. He couldn’t do this. “I don’t feel so good,” he whispered and put his bowl away, resting his head on his hands.  
Jeff was there in a blink of an eye to comfort him “It’s okay, love.” and “Take it easy.” and some “No need to rush.”  
Harry was positive he would throw up. He didn’t want any stupid breakfast and Jeff’s needless pitty and that fucking meal plan. “I finished.”  
The room was filled with unbreathable air. None of them felt their heartbeats for a few seconds.  
“I’ll get you a drink, then.” Jeff said. Their fridge had a box full of nutritional drinks, that one of the doctors had recommended. Ha had to get something in Harry, no matter if the omega liked it or not.  
He ripped the plastic sticker, because it had calories and other data on it. He just hoped Harry wouldn’t fight him. Few quick tears later before going back to the dining table. Harry was trying.  
He was chewing and swallowing, making his way through the bowl. His left feet kept tapping rhythmically on the floor, but that didn’t matter at this point, because he ate.  
And Jeff couldn’t have been happier.  
It might have seemed like the omega was about to puke, but this was not a bad start. In the end Harry put the empty bowl away and leaned against the backrest. He didn’t look at Jeff nor himself, the TV or the bowl.  
He wanted to disappear. 

“I don’t feel unhealthy, you know,” Harry mumbled barely loud enough to be heard, “I’m not hungry, I am able to run, my hair doesn’t fall out…”  
Jeff thought about it for a second, “That might be even worse, don’t you think?”  
Omega nodded a bit lost in his thoughts. “You might be right. But I feel like -i don’t know- we just push the issue, you know? Too much ado about nothing.”  
“You don’t know what you look like,” the alpha choked on his words, “I should have figured it out.”  
Harry looked into a mirror, but didn’t see it. What’s wrong with not wanting to be -big-? Every omega was on some type of diet, that’s what society tells them. He wasn’t even dangerously skinny. He would have seen that, right?

A week after getting out of the hospital Jeff managed to sign Harry into a group therapy. The group was full of pitiful cases of human beings, if you asked Harry, who felt like he was the ‘odd one out’ word from a textbook.  
“My name’s Jade,” started a girl with miserably bleached hair “I’m twenty two and-” she was a beta who wanted to be an omega, blah-blah, unrequited crush, skinny girls, blah-blah…  
“I’m Kate, seventeen.” Kate was one of those girls pushed to diets because of their moms. It got out of hand and she ended up bulimic.  
“Go on,” the psychologist encouraged him before he acknowledged Kate was done talking.  
“Sure. My name is Harry, I’m twenty three. My alpha took me to my doctor and I was diagnosed with a disorder, I guess…” he introduced himself, feeling anxious as people stared at him.  
“You have an alpha?” a disgusted voice reached his ears.  
“Kate, don’t be mean,” the psychologist reprimanded her.  
“Betas can’t date alphas!” the girl snapped.  
“Well, I am not beta.” Harry answered the same way.  
“You don’t stink like an omega either!”  
“Jealous much?”  
Things escalated quickly to the point where they both had to call a responsible adult to pick them up. Jeff was not impressed.  
“She was mean and ugly!” Harry’s thoughts went to word fugly, but he figured that wouldn’t do much to convince his mate that it was the beta’s fault.  
“What did she say anyway?” Jeff sighed. He wasn’t told anything but ‘his omega got into a verbal fight’.  
“They made us sit in a circle and talk about feelings and shit- and she said I couldn’t date alpha, because I wasn’t omega. I am omega.”  
Jeff knew this was a touchy topic, although he was not sure if that was a thing for all omegas or just a Harry thing. Of course, it wasn’t glamorous to grow up as a boy and an omega, but he got to a point of being proud of his status.  
“Come here, my little omega.” Jeff spread his arms and cuddled his mate for a minute. “You are a beautiful, smart little omega- you know it and I do. That’s what matters, okay?”  
“I don’t want to go back there, that girl was rude, they didn’t really say anything helpful and I was the only boy there,” Harry whined, “I wanna go home.”  
When they got on the road home, Jeff directed him to a snack he brought him. Even with that snack it seemed impossible to reach the calorical goal after a week of trying.

“Can you try, please?” Jeff didn’t mean to be harsh, really, but it was hard to stand Harry that day. He refused to eat his breakfast, wanted to stay in bed, complained about a weight check at the doctor’s and he flung his bottle so hard it broke into many pieces and the drink spilled over the floor.  
“I'm trying!” Harry yelled back, “I eat everything you give me and no one cares what I want!”  
“What is it you want? To die? Help yourself!”  
“Maybe I want to!” Harry stormed out before Jeff was able to say anything else. He fled the room, the house and the stupid town.  
He drove one hundred and eighty miles without a long pause, just stopped by to buy some gas. His mobile phone kept ringing and its screen hardly had a moment to go black. They should have been expecting it. They were a time bomb.  
There was a knot of uneasiness in his stomach, something between anxiety, heartache and nausea, maybe that was just hunger. Not that he wanted to eat. There were too many things going on in his life right now. Changes and expectations. So fucking many expectations and he hated it.  
He finally called his mom when he was at the edge of Holmes Chapel, because it wouldn’t be ideal to burst into his mother’s home unannounced. He managed not to cry while talking to her. She was so joyful that her child was finally coming home and he couldn’t break her heart. He saw all those missed calls and texts from Jeff, he shouldn’t be postponing them, but they were fighting anyway- so what would be the point?  
When he arrived he found out Gemma was also visiting, so there was no chance he would have much time for thinking. That was good.  
“Harry, Here you are!” Anne gave him a warm welcome and hugged him tightly. “You’re so skinny.” She was visibly shocked so she held his boney face in her hands for a second. “Come inside, love, I’ll make us a cup of tea.”  
Gemma was waiting for them in the living room, her blonde hair perfectly straightened and her eyes opened wide with shock. “What happened to you, Hazz?”  
“I’m fine, Gem. Nice to see you too,” he laughed out quietly and embraced her.  
“Where’s Jeff? Is he on some business trip again?” the older beta asked.  
Harry was clenching a cup of tea in his frozen hands, even though the heat of it was extremely uncomfortable. “Just a little fight, nothing major.”  
His mom started digging into it ‘does his alpha know where he is?’ and ‘what do you mean he doesn’t?!’ Harry nodded sometimes, but her words didn’t reach his brain as the wave of hormones from the fight already wore off and there was no fuel for him anymore.  
“Should we call him?” Gemma tried to catch his attention, “We can’t keep him in the dark… I can tell him you’re at my house if you don’t want to see him.”  
“Okay,” Harry nodded one again and clenched the cup in his hands more tightly in order not to zone out as most of his feelings went numb. He was calm enough to catch Jeff’s feeling, a combination of terror and regret.

Jeff had been searching for his omega for hours now. He called and visited Harry’s innumerous friends (he pushed many of his former friends away in past months). But Kendall ‘didn’t hear from him for a week’, Niall ‘had no idea, has Jeff tried Louis?’ who ‘well… had a situation going on and couldn’t see Harry right now’. Jeff didn’t need to know about Louis’ rut, thank you very much.  
And what was worse, Harry didn’t pick up his phone, answer his texts and didn’t call back. The alpha had no idea if his phone was just dead or Harry was the dead one- he didn’t let himself think of that option.  
He didn’t have any other place to go search for the omega, so he just called whoever could know anything. He talked to Anne and Gemma just a few minutes after Harry ran away, but he didn’t expect his mate’s sister to call him back three hours later.  
“Azzof, what the fuck is wrong with him?” she growled into her phone in a way that made Jeff freeze.  
“Is he with you?!” He honestly didn’t care if his voice was pitchy and whiny. If she had found him-  
“Yeah, and he’s as pale as you will be when I’m finished with you!” she whispered so the omega wouldn’t hear her, but there was an edge in her voice, suggesting her desire to scream, “Why is he this pale?”  
“He’s anorexic,” he felt too relieved to think about what Harry would want him to say. He couldn’t take it back anyway. “He was diagnosed like a month ago. We’re trying.”  
There was a moment of silence on the line. “Shit,” she breathed out, “that’s not good.”  
“Keep an eye on him, please,” he urged immediately, “I won’t make him see me, but- please.”  
“We’re in Holmes Chapel,” she answered without hesitation, “come, it will make him better.”  
“He hasn’t eaten since breakfast, give him something, please. Anything without meat and white flour, okay? Something not low in calories... He might not want to eat it, but he has to.”  
They ended the phone call and Jeff rushed home, managed to pack their clothes in five minutes, he also packed all Harry’s vitamins and a package of nutritional drinks. He might have driven a bit faster than the road signs told him to, but he got to Holmes Chapel safely.  
He felt how his little defenceless omega cried, their bond told him all. His heart skipped a beat as he drove into the town where his omega had been hiding.  
He parked so poorly people were going to swear, but he really just had to see Harry right now. Gemma took him to the living room after a quick welcome. The omega was there sitting on the sofa with some semi melted frozen yogurt in his hands.  
“Why don’t we make Jeff some tea, mom?” the blond girl urged her mother to the kitchen.  
“Those things I said- that was not what I meant.” Jeff knew this was an apology. “I don’t want to die.”  
“I know, love,” the alpha nodded, “I was just scared when you ran away.”  
“Me either,” Harry confessed and sniffed a bit. He had been such a crybaby lately. “It’s all happening really fast, you know? And I don’t know how to keep up with it or to be happy with it, because it all came at the same time.”  
“Hazz,” Jeff shifted the omega on his lap. Harry clenched the material of his shirt tightly and leaned against his chest, which was radiating heat. That was quite comforting since Harry’s own body provided him nothing but a lack of heat. “If I could, would slow this down to make you feel better, really. But we can’t do that, not now in this stage of your recovery.”  
He tucked them both up in a blanket Harry had been in before his alpha arrived. There was nothing more important than the exhausted creature on his lap. The omega was about to fall asleep in a minute, but before he managed to drift off, he had mumbled, “Sometimes I feel like you won’t love me if I stop being like this.”  
Jeff felt a need to wake the boy up and talk to him. How could Harry even think of that? Fuck. But right now the thing Harry needed the most was some rest.

“I don’t understand how I could have been so blind,” he sighed when being asked “It’s so obvious, but I didn’t think of the possibility, that… I let him down.”  
Gemma shook her head “You have to understand that Harry knows how to hide such a thing. This was not his first time having trouble with food.” Her voice became quieter as if her brother would be able to hear her if she used her normal voice “He will kill me if he finds out I told you- but there was one time mom said he was going to some impatient kind of thing and he ran away for two weeks!”  
“No impatient- he made that one clear immediately,” Jeff admitted “I work from home so I could be with him all the time, but this is more intense than I expected it to be.”  
Anne had tears in her eyes watching her baby boy sleeping “I thought he was done with this.” Gemma hugged and comforted her.  
“I’ll make us something for dinner,” Anne stood up, but then she glanced at Harry with obvious fear in her eyes “But I have no idea what will he eat.”  
“We’re trying to make everything a safe food, but he doesn’t eat meat… and wheat flour. And nothing too greasy, please,” there were a lot of fear foods “We’ve just started.” 

On their way back home, a few days later, they stopped at a gas station for fuel and some snacks.  
“I’ll fill the car, you can go inside and look for something to eat, okay?” Jeff offered his mate.  
Harry nodded tentatively, got out of the car, heading inside with his hands buried in his pockets. There were a lot of drinks, alcohol, stuffed animals and magazines, coffee and some sweet treats.  
He could have a bar. Mars or maybe skittles. His eyes scanned chocolate bars displayed on one of the shelfs. They looked good. No. He didn’t want chocolate, he doesn’t like chocolate, it makes you- fuck. He was doing it again, didn’t he? His index finger touched the plastic carefully, the one he loved the most when he was a child.  
Every time they went on a road trip, he tried to persuade Anne to buy him one of these.  
Jeff was standing next to him. It was so sudden, Harry started.  
“Have you found something?”  
He shook his head.  
“How about the chocolate?” Jeff offered the obvious.  
“Maybe later. Can we get ice cream?” A freezer was standing right next to them.  
Without much of a thought process, he picked salted caramel Magnum, so Jeff wouldn’t have to wait for him. The alpha picked a different flavour, taking the chocolate bar on his way to the counter.  
When Harry bit into the ice cream for the first time, he made a surprised noise, “it’s better than I remember.”  
Jeff gave him a delighted smile before starting the engine. 

Harry was sleeping. Constantly. It freaked Jeff out as the omega would go to sleep before him, wake up later than him and have a nap after lunch for two more hours. Harry’s dietitian assured him it was completely normal in the early stages of recovery. Building tissues, fixing bones and stuff.  
It made sense that his body needed so much energy, but seeing his body going through these fast changes and extreme conditions took his breath away.  
Sometimes Harry would sweat, mostly in sleep, so much that his covers were soaked. His body was venting a great amount of the energy he received, which seemed counter-productive, but there was nothing to do about it anyway.  
Other times he would shiver, wrapped in a sweater and a duvet, but still trembling. Those times he snuggled up to Jeff.

Harry had this habit of chewing on straws. Jeff felt sorry for the turtles, but he couldn't give the omega a metal one after he broke a glass one with his teeth. Getting all those pieces out of his tongue was not fun. So he went to a supermarket to buy plastic ones as the omega refused to drink nutrition drinks without straws and destroyed them regularly.  
There were times Harry needed his alpha’s presence more while drinking so he ended up on Jeff’s lap, curled up as babies in their mothers’ arms. They would watch a movie as the omega fell asleep in this position. Sometimes his bottle slipped between his fingers, but it was always empty or at least close to that.  
He got this idea while watching an advert (they should have watched Netflix, really), but there was one with a baby making fuss about something and throwing things at a washable wall. The child threw a baby bottle.  
He had to make a little effort to find one without any print on, feeling odd while purchasing it, although the shop assistant probably assumed it was for a baby if she even thought about it.  
He was scared to offer Harry this -thing- and it is understandable.  
“I was thinking,” he told the omega “it could be nice… I don’t know, it might be stupid.”  
But Harry’s reaction was just the one he was hoping for “Sounds good.”  
So when not reaching the caloric limit, this was how they spend their evenings. Omega curled up in his lover’s lap, sipping on the drink. Jeff wasn’t turned on by it, but it gave him a nice feeling in his chest, one he identified as feeling safe and content. They both knew Jeff would do anything to protect his omega.  
Those nights Jeff had to carry Harry to the bedroom and the first night they did that eha alpha found out how easy it was. He was mortified. Harry ate his food and stopped working out and tried, but he was still so fucking small.  
When he laid the omega down there was a tired “Jeffrey-” that he lulled by promising to be back after brushing his teeth.  
Suddenly he felt cold inside. Just like the times Harry cried and their bond made Jeff feel the same way. But these were his own feelings. Was this how Harry felt with no tissue to fight against cold?  
Was he this cold when being out without a sweater on? When they fell asleep when the window in their bedroom was open? Did he get those same goose bumps, that covered Jeff’s arms as he was thinking about it?  
He selfishly needed some time for himself sometimes. A moment when he didn’t see how much Harry had done to himself. Why had he done this?  
He went back and cuddled up to the tiny creature. He intertwined their legs, his chest pressed against Harry’s back and right hand hugging him tightly. There was a voice in his head reminding him of those times when being this close was unbearable, when they were both so hot they had to pull away.  
There was no heat coming from the little body. But that was just a question of time.

Harry was making steps and Jeff had never been prouder- like when the omega opened a box of sweet cinnamon cereal or when he ordered caramel frappuccino in a café. These small wins mattered.  
Harry’s therapy went on behind closed doors, Jeff respected that because he had ho right to know Harry’s personal thoughts, but- The omega’s mood was always brighter after his therapy and Jeff was eaten alive by the fact that it wasn’t him who made Harry feel that way,  
His therapist, well-known for his work with eating disorders, being an alpha was not helpful. Nick Grimshaw could be described as a good-looking unmated alpha in the right time to start a family, with a perfect smile and painfully friendly personality.  
His scent was always on Harry after their sessions and Jeff noticed it every time the omega got into their car. What broke Jeff’s heart every time was how nicely their scents fit. It’s important to note that Harry’s scent hadn’t come back fully yet, so it was easier to smell other people on his skin. Nick’s scent was almost as vibrant as Harry’s own, especially for Jeff, who was naturally unable to smell his own sign. There was nothing but Nick and Harry’s sweet blended scent showing how nicely they match.  
“What are you thinking about, Jeffrey?” The omega woke him up from contemplation. He was chewing a bubble gum with a small smile on his face- Jeff noted the small amount of calories it had, but decided not to write it down- watching cars around.  
“Nothing, love-” Jeff smiled and petted Harry’s slim thigh in a comforting gesture.  
“I can feel the stress, you know?” the omega pointed out “talk to me.”  
“Don’t worry, Hazz, there’s just some stuff at work,” The alpha shook his head and the car turned to the street they lived in.  
“What are you jealous of ‘at work’, then?” Harry was irritated, because Jeff always refused to talk about his feelings. “Just tell me what’s going on and we can work it out as adults do.”  
“It’s stupid anyway-”  
“Tell me.”  
Jeff knew he was being stupid and and overreacting. “It’s just that you smell nice after theray.”  
“And that stresses you out?” his tone was cold, not that he didn’t have the right to be that way.  
“Nick’s scent just fits you, ok?” the alpha snapped.  
“What?” Harry’s tone became soft in that moment, “Jeff, you don’t think… do you?”  
“No! God, of course I don’t think you cheat on me. I mean- you’d be a good match.”  
“That’s not better!” the omega retorted just as Jeff turned the engine off.  
“I told you it was stupid,” he felt a need to wave it off.  
“You thinking about my psychologist this way is stupid!”  
The alpha sighed, “I know it is. I’m sorry.”  
“What is it, really?” There was concern written in Harry’s face, “You can talk to me, okay?”  
Jeff ran fingers through his mate’s locks, “I’m just worried. You have been in so much pain since we started- gone through so much hurt.”  
Harry froze, his eyes wide open and lips parted making him look dumb. “Jeffrey, no one has ever made me feel as good as you do. I don’t want to leave you, I love you.”  
“Love you too.”

Oh! One of Jeff’s favourite memories: Harry looked his alpha in the eyes, looking as if he was about to talk business.  
“I want to do it today,” he smiled confidently.  
Jeff was surprised “Do you?”  
“Yeah.”  
So during their lunch break they went to the closest diner, where Harry ordered a burger with chips. Jeff asked for the same, which was something like a ritual now, to show him his support. Truthfully, it was not the best burger of his life, but it was still a nice one.  
Harry looked like a nine years old child making his family eat at McDonald’s for his birthday as his eyes were shining and his body was squirming. He quickly thanked the waitress, smiling widely.  
“Let’s do this-” he mumbled and bit into it afterwards. He was chewing for a bit, then his pupils dilated. “God, that’s amazing!” he managed before taking another bite. The alpha tried not to stare, but at that moment Harry was prettier than ever.  
“I haven’t had one of these for ages,” he omega shook his head in disbelief, “we have to do this more often.”

The next day Harry woke up in an exceptionally good mood. Great mood actually.Jef was just opening his eyes when the omega climbed on him, his breath minty and sparkly eyes.  
“Good morning, love,” he smiled widely. He pulled his mate in a passionate kiss, both of them feeling a wave of arousal. Harry wanted it and Jeff did too. He let the green-eyed boy take control over the situation and rip their clothes off.  
Jeff was kissing his mate sweetly, while the omega worked skilfully on his length. The alpha pulled apart just to catch a breath and moan.  
Harry was kneeling above him, positioning himself to get what he was waiting for impatiently. His hot breath blew lightly on Jeff’s face and they whispered eachothers name. Jeff felt his omega’s closeness, their bond, their love. His omega placed Jeff’s hands on his own hips to let him set the pace.  
So he helped him to lift up. Slowly, gently. It was sensual and full of love and so intimate. And then, when Jeff’s grip firmed, he felt ribs. He did a decent job of not recoiling, but he lowered his hands, so he didn’t have to touch them. Harry’s weight was barely there, he rode him with ease, letting Jeff control the process.  
“Jeffrey,” Harry moaned sweetly “Jeff, love-”  
Jeff’s inner alpha lost control, he slammed his hips up and attacked Harry’s neck fiercely, clutching his hips and thrusting him against himself. Then he felt it. He practically held the omega’s pelvis in his hands.  
That moment, he saw Harry and all the bones that were trying to escape his body. Collarbones, visible under his bluish skin, trying to cut through. Ribs creating dark shadows and skeletal tight failing to hold his body. About to collapse.  
“Harry, get off-” he choked. His hands were no longer on the green-eyed boy’s body.  
The omega was sitting next to him in two seconds. They weren’t touching each other anymore.  
“Jeff?” Harry’s voice was shaky. Nothing like this has ever happened in their relationship. They are a good fit in bed, aren’t they? “What’s going on, love?”  
Jeff couldn’t find any words. How is one supposed to say he saw you nearly faint? Neither of them was hard anymore, just pure horror radiating through their bond.  
Harry saw the way his alpha stared at his body, so he covered it.  
“I see,” he breathed out, clutching the duvet in his hands, before storming out of the room. Jeff knew he wasn’t heading far.  
Harry was strong- he didn’t cry or run away or pity himself. Who cares his alpha didn’t want to look at him? So what? Or that it took only one month to make him grossed out? Shit happens.  
He might have been sitting under Jeff’s ridiculously large desk in his study. He was ready to end this fucking charade and go back to his diet. He couldn’t have gained much.  
Sure, his body was not at its best shape, but he could work with that. If he went on the same diet he had been before Jeff stopped him, he would be able to get back to his weight in two months. Jeff would definitely like that.

Jeff fucked up quite a few times in his lifetime, but who hasn’t? Like the one time he and his friends got so drunk they were puking for the next two days. Or when the pan was in flames at Glenne’s.  
But this was a whole new level.  
Right now, puking or splashing water wouldn’t be enough (Harry would probably kill him for an unexpected shower). He destroyed his mate’s fragile self-confidence and he wasn’t sure if there was a way to go back.  
He went to find his mate right after putting some clothes on. “Harry? Hazz? Where are you? Come to me, love,” he urged him, searching for him in the house. He expected him to hide in the living room, but no one was there. There was an infinitesimal chance to find him in the kitchen, but he tried it anyway. Then the bathroom and the gym, cursing the fact that Harry’s scent hadn’t come back yet.  
He felt Harry’s presence through closed doors of his study. He didn’t smell him, it wasn’t pheromones, but something inside him shifted. He just knew the omega was there.  
“Hazz-” it came out mostly as a whisper. Though he didn’t see the omega, he knew he was there.  
“Jeff,” a soft voice answered. He followed it to his desk.  
“Harry,” he kneeled in front of the desk to see his omega. Harry was in a corner of the room, wrapped in blankets, his eyes bloodshot.  
“I don’t want to keep going,” the green-eyed broke the silence first, “no more meal plans, nutrition drinks, I don’t want you to feed me. I’m done with that stupid therapy and I want to go back to running. I just- I want you to like me, Jeffrey.”  
“Harry, no… This was not because I didn't like you, love,” the alpha shook his head.  
“What is wrong with me then? What made you not want to touch me?” Harry was desperate, really. It was only a matter of time before Jeff realised that he didn’t want a -big- omega. And Harry was fine with it.  
“When I held you, I felt your ribs and then- the place your pelvis shows right above your legs. I got so scared, Harry, so scared and there was nothing I could see, just how skinny you are and how there is nothing to protect you and it was like you couldn’t have energy to keep going.”  
Jeff never lied to Harry, you know?  
Still, their sex life was bruised. Harry refused to take his clothes off, so Jeff had to let him have at least a T-shirt. It was odd, the way their bodies were separated by the fabric.  
On the other hand, it didn’t take long for Harry’s body to be able to take a knot again. Neither of them commented on it, but being able to cuddle up without Harry’s pained whimpers was a huge relief. 

Later on, when Harry learned how to eat, his alpha was able to go to work normally again. Jeff would go to work, pick Harry up from home and take him out for a nice diner. Calm days and progress. Mostly.  
Jeff was working piecefully when a wave of panic hit him. He was sick. Overstuffed and exhausted and… and hated himself. He hated Harry. It wasn’t like it used to be. They were not who they used to be.  
He got home at an all-time high speed. “Harry?!” he shouted hysterically to find his omega as soon as possible. There was no answer, but he found his mate curled up in their bed soon. “Hazz?”  
The omega, wrapped tightly in a duvet, sobbed something. Jeff didn’t understand a word as Harry was talking, crying and was in need of blowing his nose at the same time.  
“What happened? Are you hurt?”  
“‘m not,” Harry mumbled tearfully.  
Jeff let out a sigh of relief, it wasn’t a death or die situation, so he had time to go carefully. “What’s going on, love?” He pulled Harry’s long lock out of his face and uncovered his bloodshot eyes. “Blow your nose, it will make you feel better.”  
Harry accepted a tissue from Jeff. “My sweatpants don’t fit, the mint ones.”  
“We will get you a different pair, okay? We can go buy them right now,” Jeff tried to soothe him instantly. He was rather used to Harry’s random breakdowns.  
“It’s not about those fucking pants, Jeff!” the omega snapped.  
“Okay-” Jeff had no idea what else it was about- “what can we do?”  
“I don’t know,” the green-eyed boy whimpered. “I just know that this is not my body. I don't belong with it. That’s me.” He pointed at a pile of light green fabric on the floor. “Not this.”  
Jeff was suffocating. Was this what Harry felt like the whole time? Did Jeff steal his body and change it without permission?  
“Hazz, you are inside-” he whispered cautiously, “and not losing you is the most important task right now.”  
“Will you still love me when I’m,” obese, enormous, “big?”  
“Always,” Jeff nodded.

After a few months of hard work from both sides, things got easier, Harry was going through a phase of extreme hunger, so he ate willingly. There were times he got a snack just a few minutes after his planned meal or asked for seconds.  
Sure, Jeff knew they didn’t win the whole game, but this was good, really good.

The one food they ended up going back to regularly was pasta. Mac’n’cheese, spaghetti alfredo, lasagne filled with spinach, tortellini or some type of salad with pasta. The best thing about it was how Harry refused to eat any of it at first.  
“It’s nothing but flour, literally nothing else! How does that even hold the shape? No one knows- that’s confusing!” Jeff tried to recall ever seeing Harry eat any type of pasta, but he failed miserably.  
Sometimes he wondered why this food terrified the omega as much as it did. Even a hamburger was more of a safefood.  
After a while they figured they were able to cook a solid meal in thirty minutes when they decided to make pasta. And furthermore, they could take their plates in one hand and a fork in the second one and eat on a sofa.  
“Can we have lasagne?” Harry asked with a shy smile after his alpha asked what would he like to eat for dinner.  
“We had those yesterday.”  
“That’s not a no,” the omega grinned.  
Was resual ever an option?

Those were the times they were alone. Harry and his alpha who wanted him to eat. But then they agreed to eat with other people as well, back to society or something.  
Sometimes it was okay, like when they invited Louis for dinner followed by watching a football match. Louis, a kind-hearted alpha with a huge appetite didn’t have the need to comment on food or to study it. After their meal, they stayed up for a long time and watched Netflix with a bowl of popcorn.  
Other times, things weren’t that good. The time Niall, Zayn and Louis stopped by, for example. They used to be like siblings before Harry cut everyone off. The problem was that Zayn, just like most omegas, was thin and on a diet. Harry was paying attention to his plate, but noticed that the dark-haired boy ate less than him and drank nothing but water and didn’t touch crisps when they were watching a movie afterwards.  
Zayn was a first-class omega, someone who Harry couldn’t even be compared to.  
He could find out if Jeff fancied him. Well- everyone fancies Zayn one way or another, but Harry would be able to change some things about himself to make Jeff like him more.  
“Zayn is a really pretty omega, don’t you think?” he brought up innocently as they were lying in their bed.  
“I suppose he is,” Jeff shrugged, playing with Harry’s hair, “why are you asking, darling?”  
“Just because,” Harry breathed out softly. “Aren’t you ashamed of me?”  
“Harry, why would you ever think of that? Of course not,” he easily rolled his omega so they could see eye to eye.  
“I just thought- you know, it’s weird that I eat greasy food with my hands. And it’s okay when there’s just the two of us, but in front of people? I don’t want to embarrass you,” Harry whispered.  
Keff knew where this thought came from. He literally understood the whole hideous thought process, because that’s what it always was like. The concept of omegas not eating certain things and certain ways was so normalized it became a rule kids were taught.  
“Never- look me in the eye- ever have I even thought of being ashamed of your recovery or your progress. I am proud of you, prouder than ever before.”  
“Okay,” Harry nodded and curled up against his alpha’s chest.

“Ew! Did you know they put extra acids inside Coke without sugar, right?” Jeff’s little niece informed them.  
But Jeff remembered Harry having a terrible panic attack last time when he ordered regular coke and popcorn in the cinema.  
“Those end up in your kidneys,” she added.  
“But the regular one makes my stomach feel bad, you know?” Jeff blurted out, “Harry has to take the same one so I won’t drink the regular one from his cup.”

Two words: chinese dumplings. The first time they tried to make them it took about four hours, but it was absolutely worth it. Cooking with Harry was relaxing and fun and always a bit of an adventure, because the omega found “this irresistible recipe, that they had to try” every other day.  
“I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to cut the cabbage into smaller pieces than this,” Jeff shook his head looking at Harry’s work, but the omega was ready to fight.  
“Excuse me, Jeffrey, I am the chef here,” he reprimanded his alpha, “so please be so kind, chop that tofu and stop fighting with your boss.”  
Jeff let out a genuine laugh, “okay, so the young man is my boss now?”  
Harry was facing him in a split second, leaving the knife on the kitchen unit. “That’s right, young Padawan.”  
The alpha didn’t even have the time to appreciate his reference as their lips met so fast. Harry was passionate and ready to take control of the situation. Jeff loved seeing this confident, stubborn Harry.

One of their problems was that Jeff was not always sure when it was Harry and when it was his disorder talking.  
“Let’s make the sandwiches now,” the omega whined, “I’m hungry.”  
But they had no mayo or dressing of any kind and not many things to fill the sandwich with anyway. And Harry was urging Jeff to eat it anyway, saying he didn’t need it- or it was the tiny voice in his head trying to avoid the calories. Those fights were the worst.  
“I’ll be back in ten minutes, you can wait,” Jeff refused for the seventh time.  
“But I am fucking hungry!” Harry swore, “Why can’t I eat now?” It made no sense, really, he was supposed to eat at one time and the other time Jeff didn’t want him to.  
“Damn it, Harry! You can eat, but if we eat them with what we have here, we won’t be able to reach the goal today.”  
The omega was already crying at this point. It happened every time Jefff raised his voice. It was not a crying fit, which would make him not able to talk, but his eyes were filled with tears and his cheeks went red.  
“Hazz-”  
“No, it’s fine. Go for the mayonnaise or whatever,” he interrupted his alpha.  
“We can get something else first if you’re hungry,” Jeff tried.  
“I’m not,” Harry growled, ending the debate.  
There were more of these arguments than they would like to admit. The ones when they both meant well, but saw bad intentions in each other’s actions.

Visiting the doctor’s office will never bring pleasure, really, but they have been getting a bit better. Harry was slowly getting towards his weight goal, his blood results were showing progress and hormones levels raised, which meant one thing.  
“Harry’s heat is coming in three or four weeks,” doctor Payne said, “you pheromones’ level is getting to normal as your body has already healed from the worst damage. Now it can take care of secondary needs.”  
Jeff smiled at Harry, who offered him a shy smile back. Things seemed alright.They went straight back home after the appointment, because Jeff had to attend one of the annoying online meetings, but he noticed how quiet Harry was during the ride.  
“Harry, this is a good sign, okay?” he assured him, petting his leg lightly.  
“Jeff,” the omega called him softly, “I don’t want to have heat right now. Please, I don’t think I can take it yet.”  
Jeff would allow him to take suppressants, he had him for much more than just heats, but the doctor forbidden them from using suppressants or contraconception.  
“You know what Payne told us. You have to go through this one.”  
“I don’t want you to see me naked,” Harry’s voice was firmer than what he felt like, “if we can’t put it off, then I want to spend it alone.”  
Heats, as Jeff knew, were physically strenuous and emotionally devastating without an alpha to assist through them. Ever since they had met, they hadn’t spent a single heat or rut separately.  
“Hazz,” the alpha didn’t exactly know whether he wanted to admonish, persuade or soothe the omega. There was the consuming anxious feeling on his chest, making him want to cry- their bond showed him Harry’s emotions clearly.  
“Okay,” he nodded, “if that’s what you will want even before your heat starts, that’s what we will do.”

Two days before his heat, Harry and Jeff went grocery shopping.  
“I’m not sure how much I’ll be able to eat,” the omega admitted with guilt written all over his face.  
Jeff took two breaths to sort things out in his head. “Well, um- I guess it won’t be a huge problem as a one time thing. If you won’t do it on purpose, I mean. We’ll manage, okay?”  
“We will,” Harry nodded, taking the shopping trolley.  
“Can I take a chocolate bar?” What an odd question.  
“At least two of them,” Jeff smiled. The omega took three of them, just to be sure.  
“We should buy some meat… What do you feel like?” the alpha asked.  
Harry gave him a weird look, “I doubt meat will make me feel good during heat. Pick something for yourself, I’ll grab some flavoured milk.” He came back with two bottles of milk, half a dozen tubs of yoghurt and some ice cream.  
“They have fruit purees here,” Jeff pointed out, looking at the stuffed shelves. Harry scanned the colorful labels, then once more with a thoughtful grimace spread over his face. “Take them all if you can’t choose,” the alpha offered.  
Harry might have taken one of most of the flavours.  
“Juice! Jeff, we almost forgot juice!” The omega was already dragging his mate to the other side of the store.  
It was like doing the shopping with a six year old, who is trying to think of all the sweets he wants, really. Jeff would never want it any other way.

He has never seen a heat quite like this. The omega was locked up in their bedroom, just like they had agreed to earlier, to make Jeff’s scent accessible, while the alpha decided to move into the guest room with a small pile of clothes.  
Harry was loud, as expected, his moans, whines and sobs audible through the thin walls. The alpha inside Jeff was making him want to go to the omega, who was not being taken care of, but he knew it wouldn’t be appreciated.  
So he was waiting for each wave of heat to fade away in order to come inside in the time between them. He would prepare something easy to digest, knock, wait for Harry to get dressed and open the door. Only then he saw his weary mate, covered with one of his baggy T-shirts, and was able to take him back to bed to cuddle him, feed him and put to sleep.  
Harry cried a lot during those four exceptionally exhausting days. His inner omega was trying to get to his mate, but he didn’t want to- couldn’t let his mate see him like this. He was physically weak and tired and in the worst times of the heat there was the voice reminding him Jeff agreed to it too quickly. Maybe he didn’t want an omega like Harry.  
The second day was definitely the hardest. His needs were stronger, his body already aching, mind a bit weakened. There was this one wave, that he endured without touching himself as a panic attack hit so hard, he didn’t even feel the need to do anything sexual. His mate was on the other side of the door, talking him round to let him in, saying he wasn’t going to touch him, but couldn’t stand leaving him like that.  
The omega slid down the door, inhaling the alpha's scent deeply- only that helped him go through it.  
He spent most of the third day sleeping, making him forget the day count.  
The last day he was out of the woods, not feeling any need to touch. He managed to take a shower and to put on clean clothes. He let Jeff in for the whole day, so he spent it in his mate’s arms. It felt like he was drunk, exhausted, tender and feeling cold was alternating with feeling unbearably hot. Heats are hell.  
Jeff was playing with Harry’s hair, whispering sweet nothings and feeding him some fruit purée. They put some sitcom on in the morning, watching it through the whole day. They felt nothing but relief that it was over.  
Jeff went for something to drink, which couldn’t have taken more than five minutes, but he found his omega hysterical.  
“I’m so sorry!” Harry sobbed, “I didn’t mean to push you away, didn't mean to lock you out. I’m so sorry, Jeff, just say something, please.” His eyes were bloodshot, cheeks bright pink and there was a snot under his nose.  
“Hazz, that’s okay, love,” he reassured his mate “I’m here, okay? Not leaving you.”  
“I don’t deserve you,” the omega whispered. These moments right after heat were hard as hormones hit once again into the exhausted omega. Jeff was terrified the first time he saw Harry like that, hearing him say these and worse things. Later he learned it happens to all omegas.  
“I love you. You know that, right?” he whispered in his ear, “love you so much.”  
Harry’s whines were fading away, his breath getting steadier.  
“I ‘ove,” Harry hiccuped.  
“Don’t rush it.”  
He took a deep breath “I love you, too.”

It was shortly after Harry’s heat that he found out most of his clothes didn’t fit anymore. It was coming slowly over the time of his recovery, a shirt after a shirt, one pair of jeans, another one, a sweater...  
“I guess I’ll have to throw half of my things away,” Harry sighed, putting one of his close-fitting shirts away.  
“I’ll take you shopping as soon as you make place for new ones,” Jeff said, not looking up from his phone.  
“Fair enough,” the omega shrugged and started to rummage through piles of T-shirts, hanging shirts, jeans and drawers with underwear. “This was my favourite,” he pouted, looking at a white shirt with black ornaments on it, before he threw it on their bed.  
“Oi! Are you trying to bury me in your clothes?”  
“Of course,” Harry smiled playfully, throwing at him three pairs of jeans, another shirt and many tight sweaters. “I’m not sure if some of these things fit me.”  
“Throw them away,” Jeff invited him and then smiled dumbly, “Daddy will buy you as many things as you want.”  
“Jesus! Don’t ever use that word again!” Harry laughed out loud, throwing more stuff at his alpha.

“We aren’t buying expensive clothes, Jeff.” Harry was already dragging him away from some very pricey looking shop. “We might be doing this again in half a year, so let’s be reasonable.” Jeff wouldn’t mind doing it again.  
“I really need jeans,” the omega sighed, “and T-shirts, like a dozen of them!”  
Harry was trying on clothes in the fitting rooms, sending Jeff for more pieces of clothing. “Do they have this in a smaller size? No? Did you look properly? I don’t want the one with orange and green stripes… Okay.. We’ll take this one, I might grow into it.”  
“You’d look nice in this sweater,” the alpha noted, looking at gray knitwear.  
“I have something better,” a voice answered behind him. And there he was, standing in a creamy white sweater, that made him look angelic. “They also have a levander one-”  
“Take them both.” Jeff wasn’t able to take his eyes of Harry even after all that time. His complexion was glowing, eyes bright and lips pink, his soft hair able to reach his shoulders.  
“Okay. Oh- look at these!” There were already two shirts in his hands. “What do you think?” he asked, putting a bright pink shirt with white dots in front of his body.  
“You’ll look amazing.”  
Because nothing could make Harry prettier than the smile that spreaded over his face.

Harry reached his weight goal soon after the shopping trip. Jeff was not exactly sure that was a good thing- well, it was, but Harry’s reaction was crucial here. There were bay days sometimes.  
The omega was biting his lips, looking at the pointer of the mechanical scale (why didn’t they just buy an electric one, really?). Doctor Payne smiled “I have a great piece of news. You’ve reached the weight goal.”  
“Have I?” Harry’s eyes lit up, “Jeff, we did it!”  
The alpha was able to do nothing but nod, he had been thinking about it for too long, about how wrong this could have turned out, to be able to process a positive outcome.  
Payne’s smile didn’t leave his face, “This will be all for today. I think you have news to celebrate.”  
Harry thanked him at least three times before they got out of the office.  
“Are we going to celebrate?” Harry asked, his lips forming a wide smile.  
Just then, Jeff was able to say something, “of course. Let’s celebrate!”  
That moment it wasn’t a celebration of gaining two pounds more. It was about Harry accepting it. No panic, no sobbing. Could have they been happier?


End file.
